You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
