Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
