Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
