A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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