Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
