I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
