found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Non-Jews are for practice
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
