i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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