apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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