Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
