i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
