I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will be naked everywhere
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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