before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
