so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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