Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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