just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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