Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
