u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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