the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
