he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
