I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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