Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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