I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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