Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
