just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
