Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
