saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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