Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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