What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize