You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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