Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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