just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
