Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
