i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
