I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
