..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize