i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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