remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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