I wish my penis had an off switch
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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