So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
