Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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