I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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