I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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