i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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