Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
