WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
