Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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