so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
