The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
