He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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