Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
