What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think my vagina is haunted
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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