I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
