can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think i have two assholes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
