In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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