The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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