Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love you. Go after that dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
