Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
