I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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