I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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