you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
