Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
