Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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