Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
