You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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