at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i out mim tonsoeep
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize