Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
