so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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