sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
