It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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