My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
