If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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