i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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