Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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