If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
