I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
