mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
