I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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