I think i peed on brittanys purse
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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