just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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