Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
