you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
