Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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