Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
