the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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