No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
