What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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