i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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