The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
