theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
