oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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