I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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