Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
