yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
