just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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