Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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