Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
