Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
