Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
