in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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