Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
