I skipped work to stalk him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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