She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
