How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
