I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
