He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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