Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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