How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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