i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
