By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
