Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
