i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
